Telegraph Tales - Sept 2018

On a bright & sunny afternoon, Explorers gathered at the Vallejo Stairs and learned about recent efforts to uncover the hidden history of Telegraph Hill. Committed to assisting this research, we bravely crossed the line in the sand and proceeded to the first task: deciphering the secret symbols of the century’s old semaphore system. First, we examined some of the documented messages, including the ever delightful “You’ve got mail!,” which remains a favorite even to this day! We quickly identified a series of previously undocumented messages, starting with “Cute Dog,” communicated by alternating the arms as if you were a semaphore. Soon after, another critical message was revealed: “The pie is done,” along with approximately 3.14 iterations on pie communique.* A series of pie salutations ensued. * Should you need to communicate these messages (and I hope you do, because Pie!), please consult the Stellar Cartography for exact positioning.

From there, the Explorers continued onward, discovering an embedded Time Stamp along the way, which tried to trick us into believing that it had been placed a century earlier. We were not fooled! Onward toward the second task, where we learned the stories of the neighborhood’s dynamite quarries. Together, the group channeled the wild beasties that had been released during the explosions. One of them, the Very Large Lizard, spews acid and creates a "sssqkueeiahhh" sound as it glides through the earth. We also revealed the Kronites and Kronogs, once in peaceful partnership, by torn apart by the disruption to the hillside. As luck would have it, we even managed to capture photographic evidence of these time spirits.

Our next stop brought us to a unique building adorned with beautiful murals, which we realized depicted the city’s reliance on water. One of the murals also revealed one of the earliest Caravan Rallies, which took place aboard great ships in 1850. At this location, we employed the highly scientific technique of exquisite corpse to channel a story of The Garden, illustrated by the tiniest colored pencils after the great Eraser debacle. In addition to the literary genius of this story, this exercise inspired another brilliant insight: Exquisite Cocktails! By which every participant adds an ingredient without knowing the previous ingredients. I suspect we’ll need some experienced Redshirts to sample these cocktails! Before departing, a Tybeck stunt double appeared, looking at his camera (clearly well-trained in the arts of Tybeck) and wearing a Very Practical Hat in lieu of a face.

We proceeded down the Filbert Steps, twisting and turning, exploring Gardens in a Time Loop inspired by the Kronites & Kronogs. Along the way, we discovered a tiny portal for viewing-without-blocking and we tucked inside to adorn the local trash can with some handle antennae. When we reach the base, Belle Cunningham taught us how to walk on water! Nearby, Lark discovered and laid claim to Petunia Island, where there are indeed no petunias (such a superb disguise!) We briefly feared she had been tricked into an Explorb, but thankfully found the island was not actually a circle (so tricky!) On our way out of this new wonderland, we encountered and stroked the soft petals of a “not a pineapple” plant.

And then it was upward again! This time along the Greenwich Steps, where we soon encountered a set of Surprise Stairs, we wondered what lay beyond… could it be… a bench? Not wanting to commit to even more stairs without a guaranteed respite, we hesitated. Thankfully, Lex bravely stepped forward to explore what existed beyond the canopy of leaves, returning with the international symbol for “no bench.” Thank you for sparing us an un-benched detour, brave Redshirt!

As we continued, we found a vast & humid jungle echoing with a delightful parrot chorus. Inspired by the parrot’s harmonies, we translated their song into a series of scientific artifacts, available below for scientific reference…

As we proceeded onward, we discovered the second loneliest parking meter in the world. But we couldn't park, because we were on a quest! We had almost reached Coit Tower. And then finally, we were there! After learning how Coit Tower came to be filled with murals, we explored the interior, selecting pieces of the story to help the researchers make sense of their puzzle. Outside, Lark and Belle inspired a postal parade (just like the steamboat ships of yore!) and we wrote our final Scientific Report in pipe cleaners, creating artifacts to help the researchers interpret what we had discovered. Denorae’s was particularly revealing, and may need to be censored for those with delicate sensibilities (but don’t worry, it’s just Coit Tower!)

Big thanks to all of the brave explorers who channeled their lens of whimsy to contribute to this important research effort. Our investigation revealed new insights into the hidden history of the neighborhood, and the researchers are delighted with the scientific integrity of our findings!